Preservation
by Leather Sky
Summary: p3: The rough side of awakening and the loss of a certain kind of innocence. T for the Budd Dwyer reference and the traumatic way Akihiko uses Junpei's Evoker. But I don't call it cruelty.


Junpei sat at his desk and stared at the monitor. His friend had sent him a video link followed by the comment "_omg this is so sick you have to see this lol_" and nothing else. It looked like an old video, a news broadcast or something, he guessed American. The middle-aged balding man speaking seemed nervous and excited as he read off a speech to a crowd of what he guessed were aides and reporters.

Junpei's English wasn't great. He made out something like "punished…crime I did not commit…political persecution…true justice." Then the man on the screen called up three of his aides and handed them each an envelope. Junpei had no way of knowing what was in them; as it so happened, one had a letter to the man's wife, one had his organ donor's card, and the last contained a letter to the new Governor of Pennsylvania. Then the man pulled something out of a fourth envelope.

It seemed to all happen in a second. He was holding up a gun, waving people back. "Don't, don't, don't, this will hurt someone." Then it was in his mouth, going off and he was slipping down the wall, and his face made Junpei swear and slam his computer shut. Why the hell had his buddy done that to him?! For that matter, why had he been stupid enough to click on it? He took a couple of deep breaths and then looked unwillingly at the gleaming object that lay on his bed, waiting.

No way. No way.

Later that night he was down in the common room for supper. His meal consisted of something from the convenience store, as usual. The boy who he was gradually getting to know better since their first harrowing encounter (at that same convenience store) spoke up.

"Have you practiced like I told you to?"

Junpei frowned and stared at the table. "…I can't."

The other boy sounded irritated. "What's holding you back? I've told you a dozen times, it's not _real_. You've seen me use mine--"

"I know that! I-I believe you. It's just…" he gulped, unable to explain it.

Akihiko regarded him thoughtfully. "…fine. Are you done? Then come with me."

Junpei glared up at him and didn't budge. "I'll be fine! You don't have to do anything."

"I believed you yesterday. I don't today. Come on." A hand on Junpei's shoulder, insistent. Maybe just a little painful. In the end, Junpei gave in and went up with him.

Back in his room, Akihiko held the Evoker he'd issued to Junpei a couple of days previously. He handled it respectfully, the way perhaps he would have handled a real gun, but it didn't hold any fear for him. He made Junpei watch him. "Look…the barrel. The chamber. There's nothing here."

"I know." Junpei's voice was sullen.

Akihiko continued. "If I fire it…" The sound of the Evoker made Junpei wince and jump a little. "…nothing. Do you see?"

"Yes! I told you, I know."

"Then…what's holding you back?"

Junpei looked at his feet. "It's just…don't you feel, it's just not _natural_ to want to put one of those things to your head and…and…pull the trigger?"

A moment later he jerked his chin up and grabbed Akihiko's wrist defensively. Akihiko had the muzzle of the Evoker against the side of Junpei's head. He held it there steadily even as Junpei dug his nails into the unguarded skin between his glove and the cuff of his sleeve.

"That's why it works," he said quietly. "No, don't close your eyes. Keep them open." He put his other hand on Junpei's shoulder. A moment later Junpei understood why.

The sound was worse right there next to his head, and he reeled back from the force of it. Without that hand restraining him he might have collapsed, and he still had to touch his face, to tell himself it wasn't the same, that the blood wasn't running down from his nose like that other man with that other gun…a voice penetrated the chaos of his thoughts, soft and very firm.

"Look." Akihiko clamped a hand on Junpei's chin and tilted his face up so that he would see.

Junpei stared up at it, open-mouthed. He didn't think he had ever seen anything so…well, so beautiful. It was impossible and graceful and faceless and _strange_.

"Is it…is it me?"

Akihiko understood. "I guess…a little, it's you."

Junpei just breathed and watched until it vanished. In the silence, Akihiko asked, "Do you know its name?" Junpei nodded, not understanding how he knew, but very aware that he did.

"His name is Hermes."

"Hermes…all right." Akihiko nodded and let him go, gripping the Evoker by the muzzle and holding it out with the stock facing Junpei. "Here, this is yours. Take it back."

Junpei took it back and held it in both hands. It was still cold even though it had just fired. He guessed that it would always feel cold, even in the heat of battle…like the boy across from him. He ran his fingertips along it and then looked back at Akihiko. "Next time I won't hesitate."

"I know you won't. Now get out of here."

After Junpei had left, Akihiko rubbed his wrist absent-mindedly. Junpei's terrified grip had been very strong…he had felt the wild resistance in him, and his impulse to live, firsthand. For the first time he was satisfied that they hadn't made a mistake. Then he silently opened his drawer for bandages.


End file.
